The Letter

Hey, it's your birthday.

Maybe this message reaches you late, maybe this never reaches you, or maybe, I don't send this to you, at all. With so many 'maybes', I'm writing this to you.

Today, while at walk in the very morning, I looked up at the sky and saw a star shining brighter than usual. It reminded me of you. Happy Birthday Miss Granger!

I’m sending you a gentle breeze to carry my love and wishes, and I hope it reaches you well. I am sending you something that is very beautiful, and cute, and precious. It's something I’ve cherished for a long time. I hope you’ll like and treasure it, just as I had it with me. And, knowing you as much as I do, I feel you will like it.

I want to tell you that, you are so important to me—its more than words can ever express. Maybe, I will never be able to say it out loud, but sometimes the most valuable things remain unsaid. And, just because we don’t talk anymore doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you. If only you knew how hard it’s been for me to not text you when I’ve wanted to talk to you so badly. If only you knew how hard it is to stay busy, just so I don’t think of you. But you know, even then, you’re always the last thought I have before I drift off to sleep, and the first thought when I wake up. I question sometimes, to myself, that would you ever realize this, that would you ever know how hard it's been on me to not tell you all these things?

People don’t stay together because they forget.They stay together because they forgive, right?

Dreams are so beautiful, and if they come true, it feels amazing. Everyone would be so happy... but dreams, where do they ever come true? They're often meant to be broken. Expressing the breaking of a dream in words is so difficult... everyone just thinks, "It was just a dream, they’re meant to be broken..." But I know how it feels when a very special dream shatters, one that you always envisioned and hoped for. And when things don't turn out that way, people break from within. They lose faith in themselves, as if everything is over... You were always one such dream for me. You always asked me which memories hurt the most... It's not the memories that hurt the most, but your absence because deep down, I know that there won't be any new memories made with you anymore. I remember once, while shopping for a flower pot, I saw a signboard in the shop that said, "If you break something, consider it yours..."

Love has different definitions according to different people. Here are some which I believe in:

To love without condition, to talk without intention, to give without reason, and to care without expectation – that's the essence of love.

Love is when nothing feels okay, and everything hurts, but still, you want the same person over and over again.

Honestly, what I've learned in 21 years of my life... A child's love for their parents, for their siblings, for their family, for their friends and classmates, for their environment, and for their hobbies and dreams is so innocent and pure. That’s what I believe love is. And the common things among all these are belief, care, love, and understanding. These are the things that make relationships and love strong. Yes, everyone loves their own family, and they are very special to them. That's how I’ve always felt about you... But when it happens with a girl, it feels like the whole world shifts. No one has been able to explain this properly even now. She becomes like a goddess. I always feel very unlucky because things didn't start the way I wanted them to; maybe if they had, things would have been different. For me, family and some friends have always been very important, and so were you, but things never go according to us. Maybe I lacked patience, or maybe I just couldn’t wait. Isn’t it? You still seem just as wonderful to me today, just as much as you were 2 years, 4 months, and 22 days ago... I know just saying things isn't enough, like even after confessing love, there are many problems. But if only you had believed in me, understood me, then maybe all those problems could have been handled and solved together... But you never really believed in my words. For anything, belief is the most important thing. But to be honest, after that, I started losing my own belief, stopped talking to people, and couldn’t trust anyone. I became afraid that just like you, everyone else would slowly leave me too...

I used to blend in with people, help them without any intentions or jealousy, because I liked walking together with everyone, but now I feel completely isolated. I still want to do those things, but it feels so much more difficult to actually do them now...

There is a lot of pain in looking back at things. It reminds me of everything and makes me feel bad, like everything is standing still. But I also remember the good times, the time we spent together, those late-night conversations, making decisions... There was so much we couldn’t do because I don’t know what happens when I’m in front of you. Nothing comes out; I’d get a little scared... I couldn’t even find a topic to talk about. Maybe the thing I feared most came true – losing you, and it really did happen... But yes, I think loving you was one of the best things I ever did. Only God knows how many times I prayed for you. 

You taught me one thing:

 Life is about patience.

If someone parts ways, keep patience.

If someone gets upset, keep patience. 

If someone questions your character, keep patience. 

And if you don’t get what you asked for, keep patience...

Well, I’ve said quite a few emotional and sentimental things, haven’t I? Sorry...

I still help people cheat so they can pass exams... But not because I like or love them .

And yes, this wish is for all your upcoming birthdays as well... Now it’s not possible for me to send you a letter every year, so consider this gift as my wish for you.

But who knows what the future holds? Maybe I’ll continue sending these until the end of time...

Hey, will you listen to me? Please keep this just between us, but if you feel it should be shared, go ahead. I don’t even know if this will reach you, but if it does, please leave a comment so I’ll know it got to the right place. I’m really sorry for saying it this way; I just didn’t have another option. If it caused any trouble, please forgive me.  

You’ll find the next page in the package. 

First, find it in the box, then read further.

What happened? Didn’t get it? Just like how every day, I search for something that I know I will never find...

Every day is different,

Yet, every day is the same,

I see you every night,

Every single night without fail.

I am afraid to sleep because I know I will see you,

But at least that brings me some peace.

The sunset is beautiful, isn’t it? 

Keep smiling and enjoy your day to the fullest..

Please convey my regards to aunty and uncle, and also my good wishes for their health.

With lots of love,

Always yours truly

......